The first fairy tale I read, rather the one that was narrated to me, was about the Evil Queen asking you who was the fairest of them all. Evil queen Sorry can’t I have to walk my unicorn. The story never made much sense to me, to be honest. I mean what was the point of having those seven dwarfs, and I’m not even going to go into the details of all that’s wrong with the fable of true love’s first kiss. I’m going to talk about you and what you’ve always told me. Buy this shirt now if you want it.
Evil Queen Sorry can’t I have to walk my unicorn shirt
The first time was when there was a tiny zit right on the bump of my nose and you told me how the people would take a look at me and see only that. I couldn’t look at you for weeks after that. But you let go of my face. You started talking about my body.
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How my thighs were a little too wide and the fat accumulating on my waist a little too much. How my tummy was all that was visible of me and so I took to wearing oversized clothes to hide it, and hide myself. Evil queen Sorry can’t I have to walk my unicorn. They tell me you’ve been lying the entire time. Like you lied to the evil Queen somewhere in those fairy realms. Tell me, when Snow White returned to the castle did you turn her into an Evil Queen too?